


Consider me fallen

by gaydiangelo



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, M/M, Nico Feels, Nico-centric, actually its fluff but nico is sad at the beginning so a warning, i cant believe its a tag, slow-burn (as much as you can slowburn a couple in 1.5k words)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 07:07:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13382718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaydiangelo/pseuds/gaydiangelo
Summary: The first time Will has said "I love you" to him, Nico was sixteen, tired and maybe a little bit drunk.





	Consider me fallen

**Author's Note:**

> i havent written anything in so long & i feel terrible about it so heres a cute little shot from when i was trying to figure out how i feel abt a girl and decided to project all my gayness into nico as i, and the rest of gays in the fandom, tend to do. warnings: when i say "gay nico" i fucking mean Gay Nico

The first time Will has said "I love you" to him, Nico was sixteen, tired and maybe a little bit drunk.

  


They were sitting on a bench, hundled together like a pair they were, desperately trying to keep each other warm. Bonfire has ended hours ago and normally, everyone should be back to their own beds, but Will has always gotten special treatment and, _well_. Since their weird relationship started, said special treatment suddenly started applying to Nico, too.

  


But the stars were shining brightly, maybe as bright as Will's eyes when he laughs at one of Leo's terrible jokes, and Nico has always liked to watch the sky. When he was younger, back in Italy, he and Bianca would count stars to fall asleep. After she died, instead of falling asleep, he counted them to keep awake.

  


If Nico was being honest with himself-- which didn't happen often, as he preferred the sweet blanket of denial and repression -- but if he was, he has to admit, he knew of his feelings back then. He was a teenager, not an idiot, and after months of having a dull ache where his heart should be, Nco knew what love felt like. It was everything he hadn't experienced before, because Will was like that. He was new, fresh, unknown and accepting his hand on the grass over a year ago felt like jumping into deep sea water. Expect, Will felt more like ocean in a sunny day, when the water is warm enough for you to walk in and just stand there, taken back by the power of nature and life, rather than fumming, angry sea Nico was used to - but that's okay. Life has taught him enough lesson for him to stop being afraid of changes and challenges.

  


Not enough to stop being afraid of love, though.

  


"I love you," Will said, and it seemed so easy. Perhaps it was; perhaps when Will closed his eyes and muttered these three words, his soul was peaceful. Perhaps saying those words came naturally to him -- Nico knows it does, he knows that there isn't a place under Will's skin that is without love, for everyone, sweet and overwhelming, pure, _innocent_ \-- and perhaps he didn't even notice he was saying them. "I love you."

  


Nico didn't say anything. He wishes he could regret that decision but really, he would the same, if given another chance. There were too many words that he wanted to use and neither seemed big enough to compete with the ones that fell from Will's lips. He thought: maybe it wasn't for me. Decided to cling onto that, even when Will repeats them over and over again in his ear, until his lips seem white and pink and all the colors Will's soul would look like. Nico knew that if he kissed him right now, it would be more like jumping into Zeus' throne. Or worse.

  


So, he stayed quiet; when Will fell asleep, Nico stared at his face, his beautiful face, until his own eyes began to feel heavy and scared. Will was radiant in a way no one else seemed to be and Nico wondered if maybe it had something to do with him being the only person in the room that could be stand by everyone. Or maybe, it was the fact Will's smile could light up whole New York City, and freckles all over his skin -- seventeen of them, still counting -- were calling to be kissed.

  


But he stayed quiet, he closed his eyes, he fell asleep, too. There wasn't anything else that could be done that night, as Will has always been braver than he could be. Maybe if they weren't alone and maybe if they hadn't drank that beer or two before sneaking off, this night would be just another night under the sky, with moon's light guiding their path through the forest and Will's laugh warming Nico's lonely heart. Just maybe; in his world, there were always at least three alternatives for shit to go down.

  


The second time, though, the second time is when they were hiding from a huge monster in the middle of San Francisco. Almost eighteen years old Nico had never felt so scared in his life as when the beast almost sank it's claws in Will's brown skin. He remembers clutching his sword as if the coldness of it could help him gather his thoughts and somehow, anyhow, get Will away from that hell. To this day, he wishes there was a way for him to hide the other boy away from everything. Nico knows Will can take care of himself – he has seen him fight, take down multiple monsters and make them sit at his command, follow his voice like everyone else does; Lou calls it Will’s gift, but Nico thinks it’s the boy himself. There’s something about him that Nico can’t quite put a finger on. It’s visible enough for others to feel it, too. Somehow, it doesn’t make anything better.

  


Still, nothing will ever compare to the ice cold realization of "I can lose him too."

  


He doesn't, of course. Will is too bright to get himself killed by a cheap version of Chewbacca, as he called it later, when they were hidden somewhere in safety. Nico laughed at that, pretending he knows what Chewbacca is and held Will's hand so closely to his heart it almost felt unreal.

  


But before that, he dies a little bit when Will mutters a quiet _"_ _I_ _love you"_ into his hair before jumping right behind monster's back and is, yet again, greeted with silence.

  


Nico heart ached and he knew why, he knew that every single inch of him belongs to Will, every memory and possibility stops mattering when Will's eyes land on him – yet he remained silent. He remained silent when they held hands while running, he remained silent when Will smiled at him tiredly and kissed his cheek goodbye after going to his own house. He remained silent when Will sat next to him at Apollo's table and their hands brushed for a second _too long_ for it to be an accident.

  


He remainde silent, until now.

  


Will hasn't said _"_ _I_ _love you"_ to him since then and Nico doesn't blame him; he doesn't blame himself, either. Not anymore at least. He stands on the path leading to infirmary, hands in his pockets, and he doesn't blame anyone.

  


  


Will is inside as Lou Ellen said, and Nico wishes he could do it in a better way, wishes he could somehow make it a better experience – but he keeps walking. He isn't looking at Will, but at least he is walking and when he stands behind his friend's back, places a hand on his shoulder and feels all the warmth radiating from his body, Nico doesn't feel afraid of love anymore.

  


"Hi," he says because it's a polite thing to do. Will smiles at him, his _N_ _ico smile_ , that shouldn't exist but does anyway. Sometimes, in the darkness of the night, Nico thinks that Will might be gods' greatest creation. "got a minute?"

  


"Sure."

  


_H_ _ere comes the hardest part_ , he thinks to himself. When the blonde boy leads them outside, to the infirmary's yard, where you can hear ocean's waves softly welcome the ground, Nico pushes himself.

  


“I love you." he says. And it's easy; he realizes that his lungs don't feel trapped anymore and suddenly, his body feels light, _light and high_ _–_ on love and excitement and courage. There, in the middle of a wooden hall, Nico realizes that the only thing ever stopping him was his own self.

  


"I know." Will says back but he is smiling. And of course he knows, like he knows everything else about him. And like always, he knew Nico would realize that himself. "I love you too."

  


"I know." it’s his turn to reply, but he says it only to be cheeky and playful, and maybe to look at Will's shining, bright eyes a little bit longer. He thinks that if the world was an old island, these eyes would be it's hidden treasure.

  


Then he changes his mind, because Will kisses him. Nico stands on his toes to cup his face and when they break apart, he keeps it there. They stay like that, because they finally can and because nothing else in the world matters. The war could break right now and Nico would care more about the way sun's light falls on Will's cheek rather than the screams of enemy's army. Maybe later he will come down to reality; he might even try to go back to functioning in the world – but as far as he realizes, Will is his world now, and Nico has to admit, it’s a much better one. It’s home, it’s safety, it’s love. Everything his boyfriend is.

  


_Fear_ , Nico thinks, _has never seemed more distant._

 


End file.
